Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Universal Mind Blowers


CRACKED is at it again. Well, technically, CRACKED is at it every day, but I only pay attention when they talk about space... as evidenced by my previous spot-lighting of their take on astronaut training, and why it blows.

Yesterday, prolific and long-time writers Cooney & Quercia teamed to provide us with The 6 Most Mind-Blowing Things Ever Discovered in Space.

Space Shark
When I saw the title, like any space nerd, I wondered: How the heck did they ever narrow THAT topic down to only SIX? There are billions and billions of mind-blowing things out there! However, their choice half-dozen are quite interesting:

#6. Blingworld = A Planet Made of Diamond they want towed back to Earth

#5. CosmoDrool = Huge Rain Cloud which is really a black hole spouting water

#4. God's Light Saber = Trillions of space lightning bolts the size of the Milky Way

#3. Ice Sun = A star you could actually land upon without bursting into flames

#2. A Star 1,500 Times Bigger Than Our Sun

#1. Gargantuan Blob from the Beginning of Time

Why no one on any Star Trek series ever found that last one is a complete mystery to me. That episode would write itself.

Space Lightning
I was impressed with the commentary on everything but #2. Because yeah, newsflash: there's huge stuff out there. NASA geeks will not even be remotely shocked by this, although to their credit, the CRACKED staff puts a pretty humorous spin on it.

But seriously, no magentars? No hypervelocity stars? For that matter, what about gravity?? Ah well, I'm a space cadet and they're comedians, we'll forgive them their brevity. For more space fun in the CRACKED archives, see:

6 Reasons Space Travel Will Always Suck

5 Retarded Space Travel Ideas (That Might Actually Work)

5 Soviet Space Programs That Prove Russia Was Insane

7 Bizarre Sounds From Outer Space

7 Horrible Ways The Universe Can Destroy Us Without Warning

Warning: Mature Humor. Open on home PC, not work PC. Because these are un-PC.