Thursday, December 1, 2011

Crowds, Chaos & Commerce

Wow... is it that time of year again already? Didn't I just scrape the tinsel off my boot from the last round? *Sigh.* Black Friday. Cyber Monday. Pretty soon we will just call the entire winter season: "Shoptember".

I went to the grocery store at 6:15am this morning (no joke – the best time to produce-shop, quickly and painlessly, is before 8am), and then made it a point not to go near any merchants, large or small... an embargo that will remain in effect until December 31st. I'm a nerd. Most of my friends are nerds. And you certainly don't want us shopping in packs. Here's why:

XKCD 309 Shopping Teams
If you have a nerd on your Shopping List (and you do, or you are one), remember that we honestly don't understand why anyone leaves the comfort of their wireless laptops to visit malls anymore. You can order online from ThinkGeek and have anything delivered to your doorstep. That's been my rule for clothing and necessities for some years now.

I am not even remotely kidding. Click the links to see these genuine products:

Stay Puft Marshmallows With Added Caffeine

Groaning, Shuffling Remote Control Zombie

LabCutter Science Cookie Cutters

Lab Science Cookie Cutters
Delicious Science For the Foodie Nerds

The Mad Scientist Annoy-A-Tron

STAND BACK, I'm Going To Try Science shirts

Magic Wand-shaped Programmable TV Remote Control

Wooden Catapult & Trebuchet Kit
Some assembly required, but we live for those words...

Talking Bacon

Ten Little Zombies: A Children's Book
For parents determined to raise apocalypse-prepared progeny...

USB Rocket Launcher

CTRL + ALT + DELETE Coffee Mug Set
Microwave Safe!

Avoid anything Hello Kitty or things with the word "nerd" actually on them. We already have phasers and remote control Millennium Falcons, so don't bother. Favorable options will be anything preceded by the designation "Ninja", any and all "red shirt" jokes, and of course, anything at all with the NASA logo on it.

The best place for the latter is The Space Store & NASA Gift Shop... though I deliberately refrained from posting individual products from here, because once I get rolling, I wind up broke.

And remember, the first rule of Bacon Club is… you do not talk about Bacon Club. Your friendly neighborhood 01101110 01100101 01110010 01100100 thanks you.